Saturday, May 30, 2015

The fans of our lives

Hey you humans, I am back! For all that care, I am still smoking my stogies, drinking my espresso and watching the hot babes from the Windows Walk with my telescope and picking out those that I will be inviting to my annual affair to celebrate the Master and Mistress not being around for a a few weeks. The Little Miss, well she is another story and thinking of giving here 2 weeks at Hedonism so I can have the mansion all to myself. 

I know, the cat had my tongue or in this case paws but catnap assured I am back and have all the energy of a kitty that used the facilities and is running around the house.

Let me start us off on a more jovial note, this kitty thinks that the below is even funnier that when he wrapped the Little Misses litter box with plastic wrap since she refused to clean her bathroom. 

The topic of my meow is Lies, lies and more lies, lucky that BO is not Pinocchio least his nose be across Pennsylvania Avenue. If it it was Bill you know what would be other item expanding.

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.”
“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said the man.
St. Pete continues, “That’s Abe Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that he only told two lies in his entire life.”
The man asks, “Where’s Obama’s clock?”
St. Pete replies, “Oh, they keep that one in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as ceiling fan”

Now, I bring you the theme song of the current administration! They tell you what you want to here and hope your IQ is that of a canine!

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah
The holiday season has arrived and you know what that means to me right? Expensive stogies,brandy and espresso from my many admirers and cook baking up all sorts of confections which pairs well with my drink of choice.

This kitty has never gotten the concept of The Elf on a Shelf. Supposedly this creature comes to life at night and creates mischief in the house. He seems like a fun loving guy once you get past that red outfit and creepy grin that says I let your canine out for you and he is not coming back.
Now, it seems he has a partner, Mensch on a Bench  to represent Hanukkah. Mensch and I have more in common that that elf. We both have fur! 

What is a Mench? A Mensch is defined as a person of integrity and honor much like me; however the Little Miss would strongly disagree. She is still annoyed at me for decorating her bathroom and putting a wreath on the toilet seat and she sat on it. I told her it could have been plastic wrap and then what mess that would have been!

Since the USA feels that it needs to be considerate of all religions What is next, Mohammed who goes boom? This kitty feels that in one sense there is more of an opportunity for repeat income since it is only a 1 use item. This kitty also sees a whole other product line, and is thinking The 72 Virgins of EID and could even be cross marketed in Utah for the Mormons under a different label. Maybe the 72 Wives of Christmas.
Humans,once you grow out of The Elf on the Shelf and Mensch on a Bench you can always turn to the Whore in a Draw!  She would be much more fun and even smokes and drinks. I personally do not agree with her choice of beverage but that is something that can be worked on.

Merry Christmas humans, and the real celebrating will start in 2015 knowing there is only ONE YEAR left of your reigning Emperor, His Majesty BO.