Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Merry Christmas and Jingle Burka!

Happy Holidays, oh I mean MERRY CHRISTMAS, screw the political correctness. I am sitting here looking at the Evergreen Tree adorned with lights, various bobbing items hanging by threads, great fun to swat and packages adorned with festive paper which makes a please crunching sound as I rummage in them just to annoy the Master and Mistress. I have my Cranberry Martini in hand and my pipe with scented tobacco which smells like Christmas, the Master and Mistress are out so I can get away with drinking before five and smoking in our dwelling. The Little Miss, well she is out cold, she got annoying last night, so I offered to make her hot coco and dropped an Ambien in it, well, if I have to be honest 2, she should wake up in time for dinner.

Anyway, I was playing an Ol' Christmas favorite on our Grand Piano in the Music room which is gaily adorned with festive decorations as well as our entire home for our annual Christmas party, yes, I said it again, CHRISTMAS! Yea, I am not too fond of these parities the Master throws, all that show up are a bunch of fat, bald men wearing these outfits that make them look like penguins and their wives, well, I guess the old ladies do not know a thing called a mirror was invented and that they live on earth where there is gravity. Boy, the things that this thing called gravity holds, or in this case pulls down. The Master says let it go they are good for business and have all their cash in something called Private Banks.

Me? I am all for arm candy and trophy spouses! PLUS the guests just have to pet me and say how adorable I am wearing my Santa hat and ruby studded holiday collar with the 3 carat diamond solitaire hanging down. I have to have some real self control not to hiss and walk away with my tail straight up in the air so they can all see my best feature, and get the Ol' one fingered salute in the process.

Sorry, got distracted. Anyway, in playing Jingle Bells, I came up with this to the tune, I think it has real potential!!

Dashing through the sand
Camel Dung on my feet
O'er the desert we go
Shrieking all the way
Bells on camels ring
Making Allah bright
What fun it is to shriek and run
A bombing we go tonight
Oh, jingle Burka, jingle Burka
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to shriek
Wrapped in a black sheet
Dashing thru through the sand
Jingle Burka, jingle Burka
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to shriek
Wrapped in a black sheet

A day or two ago
I thought I'd take a walk
And soon an American Solider
Was seated by my side
The solider was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed my lot
We got into a drifted sand bank
And then I got shot


Oh, jingle Burka, jingle Burka
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to shriek
Wrapped in a black sheet
Jingle Burka, jingle Burka
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to run
With Camel Dung on my feet
Jingle Burka, jingle Burka
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to shriek
Wrapped in a black sheet
Jingle Burka, jingle Burka
Jingle all the way
Oh, what fun it is to run
Wrapped in a black sheet

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Unemployment is up and Payroll is down

Unless of course you count the fat man in the red outfit that will be sailing into the air on the tail end of eight reindeer. He has not had a reduction in workforce as of yet, but the Elves are shaking in their little pointy shoes. They heard that Santa is talking to China about making some toys for the 2011 season, he feels that Elves, China men/women what is the difference, both are short but the latter may work for less and are not semi retarded midgets.

The way I see it from my perch overlooking a deserted beach, THANK YOU JESUS the Bennie's have gone home, I can finally nap with not being awakened by their boom boxes and their coolers being dragged along the boardwalk. Sorry, I got off distracted, sounds good at least, the Little Miss uses that excuse often enough.

Anyway, unemployment is not going down that is for sure as of now at least. Sure you can listen all want to the idiots in DC but they will tell you what you want to hear and manipulate the numbers to make it look like all is well. Sounds a lot like kissing a person under the mistletoe with your eyes shut only to open them and be staring at a 400 pound grenade with her landmine cheering squad behind her, that is only if she were to turn sideways so you could see.

Anything sounds and looks good if you cannot see it, just like being a mushroom, you are kept in the dark and fed sh&$t and the politicians shovel that well. Will 2011 be the year America is finally sold to China and we are now told America is not longer a country based on Capitalism but is now PROGRESSIVE CAPITALISM? The guy in that White House only has 1 more year and lets all hope he is a lame duck that gets his wings clipped by Congress.